Not Normal/Relationships According to Jesus Starter Questions
Guiding Questions
Have you ever been in small group and you have no idea how to respond? That’s okay! Sometimes we freeze and aren’t sure how to get to the information we may want to know. Here are a few ideas to get you started in conversation that are safe to use in small group and in one-on-one conversations.
By asking questions, it helps them know you aren’t afraid of topics. This could help a student share with you about a topic they may have been dealing with for a long time.
Turning the Conversation
Thank you for sharing. That sounds really hard. I’d love to chat about that later if you’d like.
Thanks for letting us into your situation. Does anyone else have something to add about the question (insert question you asked)?
That sounds like a lot for you to handle. I have some other ideas that we may not have time for right now, but would love to share with you after. Okay, let’s check out the next question/prayer.
That is a great question. I’d love to hear more later.
That is a great and different perspective. I think I have some more questions, maybe we can chat later.
That is a good point! Let’s see if anyone else has a thought on this.
I want to dive deeper into what you said, but I see we’re running short on time. Let’s circle back after the group finishes up.
Dating and “Talking”
What is the difference between talking and dating?
When do you think you would be ready to date?
What do you like about your girlfriend or boyfriend?
What kinds of things do you talk about with your girlfriend or boyfriend?
Have you talked with your boyfriend or girlfriend about boundaries before?
Have you met your girlfriend or boyfriend’s parents? Have they met your parents?
Do you talk to your parents about your crush, girlfriend or boyfriend?
Do your parents know you’re dating or talking?
Have you held hands or kissed? Who initiated?
Do your friends like the person you are talking to?
Do you like your girlfriend, boyfriend or crush’s friends?
Have you ever felt pressure to do something you didn’t want to do?
Gender and Sexuality
Thank you for sharing with me.
How long have you been feeling that way?
What has this journey been like for you?
How have you been processing these feelings?
What do you hear (from school, tik tok etc.)?
What do you feel?
Have you been feeling like you don’t fit with gender norms?
Do you ever feel like there’s pressure on you to look/act differently than you do?
Have you talked to God about this? (If you’ve had more than one conversation with a student and they address this)
Tell me more about…(insert what the student said).
What questions do you have?
Look for opportunities to understand: When you say _____, can you help me understand exactly what that means? I don’t want to assume or get that wrong.
Look for opportunities to validate their feelings: “That must be really hard.” “I could see how that could be really hard.”
Is there anything else that would be helpful for me to know or you want me to know?
How have your friends or family been with this?
Depression and Self-Harm (one-on-one conversations)
How have you been feeling lately?
I have noticed you seem a bit (tired, stressed, down anything you have seen that is different from the norm). Is there anything you want to talk about?
Have you been sleeping, eating, (insert doing sports or something they do normally)?
What helps you feel better when you’re feeling stressed?
How do you feel like you’re able to cope with everything going on right now?
Sometimes when people are really sad, they think about hurting themselves or doing something to distract themselves using pain. Have you ever felt like that?
Do you ever feel like things are too much and things won’t get better?
Have you ever had the thought that it would be better if you were not here?
Who do you feel like you can talk to when you’re not feeling very good?
Do you feel safe right now?
Terminology
There are some terms your students may use or ask you about. While you do not have to memorize these, we want to empower you with what these mean and you may hear.
Biological Sex - A label given based on biological traits at birth (male, female or intersex; born with both biological traits)
Sexual Orientation/Attraction - A term that describes attraction to others. (i.e. straight, gay, lesbian).
LGBTQIA | Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, asexual and more.
Gender - Associated to being masculine and feminine, which influence personal identities.
Gender Identity - How you think about yourself (i.e. woman, man, boy, girl).
Gender Expression - How you demonstrate your gender through dress, action, behavior (i.e. feminine or masculine).
Non-binary - This term refers to gender identity spectrums, some of which can be identified under the transgender umbrella.
Gender Dysphoria - The distress someone experiences when their sex does not match their gender identity.